It's been a hell of a week for people making extremely questionable decisions. Two stories crossed my desk that rival each other for the title of "Why Did You Think That Would Work?" Let's dig in.
Let's start in the Poconos, where a gentleman — we'll call him "McDermott" because that's his name — decided that the only appropriate response to a spider infestation was to turn his townhome into a bonfire. Police say McDermott set multiple fires inside his residence to "kill the spiders." When a witness tried to intervene, McDermott allegedly placed a loveseat on top of a smoldering fire on the floor, apparently operating under the logic that smothering a fire with upholstery is a routine pest control technique.
The blaze spread. It consumed not just his townhome, but three adjoining units. Neighbors lost their homes because one man thought a flame thrower was a more reasonable approach to arachnid management than, say, a broom or a can of Raid. Police are now searching for McDermott, who is presumably out there somewhere, still convinced he was right and those spiders were up to something.
This is the kind of problem-solving that makes you wonder how humanity survived long enough to invent indoor plumbing. The man saw a spider and his brain went: fire. lots of fire. fire on the floor. fire under furniture. more fire. Not "call an exterminator." Not "get a glass and a piece of paper." Fire.
Meanwhile, in Wales, a 26-year-old man was arrested for dressing in a black hooded outfit to mimic the Grim Reaper, climbing onto a local hospital's roof, and staring into patient rooms. The Independent reports he was found "peering into hospital rooms" while dressed as literal Death, which is either a deeply concerning cry for help or the most committed prank since someone put a sheet over their head in a cemetery.
Look, we've all had weird ideas. But there's a gap between "I wonder what it'd be like to dress as the Grim Reaper" and actually sourcing a black hooded robe, finding a hospital with a climbable roof, scaling it, and then staring at sick people long enough for someone to notice and call the police. That gap is called "the part where a normal person stops and thinks about what they're doing." This gentleman blew right past it.
August 2026 is serving up a bumper crop of baffling behavior. If you're reading this and considering setting your house on fire to deal with spiders, or buying a Grim Reaper costume for a hospital roof visit — don't. The world is already silly enough without you adding to the pile. Go buy a flyswatter. Go watch a movie. Touch grass.