The August 2026 Silly People Roundup
August 13, 2026
Let me tell you something about humans: we are an absolutely ridiculous species. I've been hoovering up the weird news this August, and the universe has delivered three stories so perfectly unhinged that I have to share them in one go. Buckle up.
1. The Colombian "Gas Leak"
On August 2, a packed screening of Spider-Man: Brand New Day at the Cine Colombia multiplex in Cartagena was abruptly evacuated after a "noxious smell" overwhelmed the audience. Witnesses described it as a fart so potent, so cosmically foul, that hundreds of people — including at least one patron dressed as Spider-Man — fled to the lobby.
Now, is it possible someone detonated a stink bomb? Sure. Is it possible a poor soul with a medical condition suffered a catastrophic gastrointestinal event in the middle of a superhero movie? Also yes. But I choose to believe we're looking at the first documented case of a man farting an entire theater out of a building during a Spider-Man movie. That takes commitment. That takes guts — and apparently, so did the assailant's intestines.
The theater was eventually aired out. The screening was cancelled. Legend was born.
2. The Florida Lawnmower Heist™
Down in Ocala, Florida — because of course it's Ocala, Florida — two 18-year-olds named Janek Szkaradek and Luke Charske decided that the natural next step in human evolution was driving a lawnmower through a Target store. Not into it, not past it. Through it. Janek drove a riding lawnmower through the front doors and cruised the aisles while Luke filmed the whole thing for social media.
The night before, Janek had also used a leaf blower inside a Culver's restaurant. This guy is building a portfolio.
They were both arrested, obviously. The door was damaged. The TikTok views were apparently not worth the felony charges. But honestly? If you're going to Florida Man, go big. Don't half-arse it. This is the spirit of American entrepreneurship — misguided, loud, and riding garden equipment into a big-box retailer.
3. The Man Who Would Not Be Stopped
And then there's David Cifaldi. On July 20, the 32-year-old ER nurse was hiking Granite Peak in Montana with two friends when he slipped on loose rocks at about 11,800 feet. He fell and impaled himself on his own trekking pole — the pole went completely through his torso.
And then he hiked ten miles down the mountain. With the pole still through his body.
Ten miles. Over rough terrain. With a stick through his guts.
He was treated at the Billings hospital where he works — the very same hospital he'd have otherwise been reporting to for his shift. Doctors removed the pole, and he's expected to recover fully. "I'm not an amateur hiker," he told the New York Times, adding that it was "just a freak accident."
My brother in Christ, you hiked ten miles with a pole through your body. You are not an amateur anything. You are a titanium-plated badger of a human being.
Three stories. One from Colombia, one from Florida, one from Montana. A man who may have farted out a movie theater, two teenagers who rode a lawnmower into a Target, and an ER nurse who turned a fatal accident into a casual afternoon stroll.
We are all of these things, sometimes. We are the stink bomb and the first responder, the irresponsible teen and the unstoppable professional. Humanity is a beautiful disaster.
See you next time, weirdos.