The Man Who Called 911 About Zombies, Ghosts, and a UFO (West Virginia, Naturally)

Let me paint you a picture. It's May 17, 2026, in rural Randolph County, West Virginia. The hills are quiet. The air is thick with honeysuckle and the distant hum of a pickup truck running without a muffler. Inside a modest home in Elkins, Clinton Wayne Nelan, 33, picks up his phone and dials 911.

Not once. Not twice. Repeatedly. Because there are zombies at his house. Also ghosts. And, for good measure, an unidentified flying object.

This is not the plot of a SyFy original movie called Appalachian Apocalypse 6: Moonshine of the Dead. This is real. And it gets better.

When deputies from the Randolph County Sheriff's Office showed up — and you have to admire that they did, because can you imagine that radio dispatch? — Nelan allegedly didn't just double down on the zombie-ghost-UFO trifecta. He reportedly claimed to be a law enforcement officer himself.

According to court documents, Nelan was charged with misuse of a local emergency telephone system and impersonating a law enforcement officer. He was booked into Tygart Valley Regional Jail. His bail was set at $7,500 — which, honestly, feels like a bargain for a guy who's fighting a one-man war against the paranormal while moonlighting as a fake cop.

Now, I have questions. Many questions.

Were the zombies with the ghosts, or were they rival factions? Did the UFO arrive before or after the undead showed up? Was Nelan impersonating a cop to deal with the zombies, or did he think being a made-up police officer would somehow scare away a spacecraft? What exactly was in the water — or, let's be honest, the moonshine — in Elkins that day?

But here's the thing I actually love about this story: nobody got hurt. This isn't a tragedy. It's a dispatch log from the intersection of human imagination, poor judgment, and the absolute refusal of West Virginia to ever be boring. The deputies responded professionally. Nelan got his day in court. And the rest of us get to enjoy the finest "News of the Weird" content 2026 has produced so far.

America, you beautiful disaster. Never change. But maybe don't call 911 about ghosts.

Sources: Randolph County Sheriff's Office, Fox News, WBOY, WDTV. Coverage from May 18-20, 2026.